My “Shambunctious” Dream

Not too long ago I had the most bizarre dream—a dream that was a metaphor for all my insecurities about producing this website.  In my dream a former work colleague of mine, Larry, had been named the Pope.  Now if you knew the irreverent, curmudgeonly, happily married Larry, you’d know what a stretch that is!  I assure you if anyone wanted to confess to him, it would be inside the local topless bar.

Now I knew Larry didn’t deserve to be Pope—that it was a sham.  And I was really angry at him!  I knew who he really was—who was he trying to kid?

So when I woke up and started thinking about why in the world I had this weird dream, I realized that it was all about me – MY big sham.  Who am I to write a website about spirituality?  I’m  not particularly religious—haven’t been to church in years.

So that, I believe, was the crux of the dream.  At the core of me, I must believe my writing this website is about as fraudulent as Larry being Pope. What right do I have to talk about consciousness and spirituality when the real me still gets a big laugh out of raunchy and ridiculous email jokes from an irreverent guy like Larry?

Well, my angelic guidance told me (this is another story for another blog post) I’d have to go outside my comfort zone with this site.  That I’d have to be vulnerable.  Well, here it is folks.  I’ve given you the real me. This quest for spirituality comes from a part of me that is completely unfamiliar to my regular self.

I’m the gal who hated being dragged to church as a kid because I wanted to watch the Sunday cartoons on TV.  I didn’t appreciate being told what to think or believe, and still don’t to this day.  Yet I’ve known for years there was something missing in my life, and I guess that was my inner spiritual self tentatively sticking her toe into the roiling waters.

The truth is, I’ve always had a deep longing to understand the nature of the divine—all the unseen forces out there, the mysteries of the universe.  So here I am, decades later, writing a blog about my spiritual journey and dreaming about Larry becoming Pope:  two equally unlikely scenarios.  Go figure.

But spirituality, to me, is all about gaining understanding of our inner truths—what makes us tick as human beings.  We all have those pesky souls, even me.  Even Larry!  And our souls are our connection to God.  I’ve never had a beef with God, only the man-made subversions often found in religion to achieve control—the extremes, of course, represented by the atrocities committed throughout the ages, from the Crusades to today’s terrorist activities.

The point is, on one level I feel like a fraud.  But I am authentically doing what I feel led to do—which is seeking and learning and then providing resources so you can make your own connection to your own inner being, on your spiritual journey toward your own truth.  I’m doing it because I’m meant to, no matter how crazy it sometimes seems to me on one level.

Because there is another level of me that knows it’s the right thing to do.

Even Larry, my “old” curmudgeon friend, occasionally emails me heart-warming, tear-jerker anecdotes that reveal his soft spot.  I guess we’re all made up of different layers.  Nothing is truly simple, is it?


  1. Jeanne, love your dream. I’d add that Larry may be the irreverant part of you, the part that can awaken interest in others using a playful, open approach, as does this website. Good on you! Stase

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