Difficult Relationships—Our Greatest Teachers

I just listened to an audio by Panache Desai, whom I first heard on the teleseminar series Healing with the Masters.  I thought it was so relevant and needed by many of us that I immediately sat down to write this blog.

His message was this:  that we are so loved by the universe, our lives are filled with a cast of characters who are here to help us grow into our full soul’s signature, that unique spark that gives us our special purpose in the world.

Those who trigger us the most are our greatest teachers and can push us toward our highest potential if—and this is a big if—we learn to respond consciously to the challenges they present.  These trigger-meisters could include an in-law, neighbor, boss, spouse, parent, child—whoever brings out our strongest negative emotions and reactions.

To be complete as individuals, we must experience everything that life throws at us and not try to resist or avoid it, because it is there for our greatest good.  Everything happens according to plan—to help our souls unfold into who we are meant to be. To achieve inner balance and harmony, we must take the dualities in life, the polar opposites, and integrate them into one consciousness. Beauty and oneness are created through friction. By going outside our comfort zones, we stretch ourselves toward completion.

This means that if we try to limit our relationships to people who think like us—to avoid confrontation or unpleasantness, and live in a “bliss bubble”—we limit our opportunities for growth and to live fully.

It’s a big mistake to try to stick only with like-minded people because we are attempting to block reality.  If we refuse to watch the news, for example, or to become engaged in uncomfortable situations, we are blocking reality.

God gave us a diverse world for good reason.  We are to share who we and what we think—which often means going way out of our comfort zones—as well as to listen to the views of others without judgment or mental analytics.  To accept that others have the right to their views doesn’t mean we have to agree with them.  Only in doing this can we integrate these experiences as parts of ourselves and live fully.

No matter how spiritually aware we are, Panache said, life still happens.  Challenges still happen. We are still triggered into anger and hurt.  It’s what we do when we are triggered that is a measure of our consciousness.

This does not mean we repress our feelings.  To be fully conscious, however, we must learn to contain them, not let them leak out to cause damage.

He likens this to a sports car with a stick shift.  The car might have great horsepower, but will only move if you put it into gear.  If the shift stays in neutral, the car is still working but it doesn’t go anywhere; it cannot crash.  With your anger in full gear, you will crash into someone and most like cause irreversible damage.  But if you let your feelings wash through you—fully experience them yet keep yourself in neutral—you’ll keep them self-contained.  This is the golden opportunity between a trigger and your reaction:  to act consciously in the moment, keeping yourself contained.

Being able to be with anyone at any time, and respond consciously, empowers you.  Being triggered offers an opportunity to create a bridge between darkness and light.  The more you get triggered and move out of it, he said, the more your life will unfold into its infinite majesty.

“Life is a journey of completion and everything and every moment, regardless of what it feels like, is bringing you into completion,” Panache said.

Easier said than done, I say.  But no one said life is easy.  I admit that when I get triggered I often react—not with overt anger, necessarily, but perhaps with tears, or with a snide remark, or with judgment that cuts deep. Words have long-lasting repercussions.

And I’m sure I trigger others as well. You know who you are!  Panache doesn’t cover that little detail—how to avoid triggering others.

But this lesson from him gives hope.  I see what I am doing (usually after the fact, when it’s too late to gobble back the words), and maybe now I can better understand why it’s so important to be conscious in the moment–before I go swinging for the jugular.

But perhaps the biggest challenge for me personally is knowing I have to go way outside my comfort zone to grow.  I’ve begun to do that, with this website.  It’s taken me more than a year to get to this point, mostly from dragging my feet out of fear of being ridiculed or thought wacky by my friends and family.

What I’m experiencing now is a part of me I didn’t even know existed five years ago.  But even more than that, I fear horrifying—even hurting–members of my family with some of my views, which are different from theirs and from some of the tenets I grew up with.  A small voice squeaks inside me:  if they knew what I am really like, they wouldn’t love me anymore. I sure hope that’s not true.

So, to get back to Panache Desai, if you ever get a chance to hear him speak, jump on it.  He’s special.

Sign up for the free teleseminars you’ll find listed on this site—you’re bound to run into him sooner or later.  I bought his soul signature toolkit, developed for the Healing with the Masters listeners. It’s not yet available through his website, but if it ever is or is offered elsewhere, I highly recommend it.  There are six CDs with six lessons, and they are all wonderful.


  1. Generally I don’t read article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to try and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, very nice article.

  2. Highly descriptive post, I loved that a lot. Will there be a part 2?

    • Thanks, Demetria. I don’t plan a part 2 on this particular subject, but perhaps another will be forthcoming down the road on another of Penache Desai’s teachings. Stay tuned!

  3. I’m still learning from you, while I’m trying to reach my goals. I certainly liked reading all that is posted on your blog.Keep the posts coming. I enjoyed it!

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